Never the Same
by Babs67
Summary: Future fic set two years into future. Merideth returns to Seattle to see her mother. She must rebuild broken friendships and come clean about her past. Will be MerDer eventually
1. Chapter 1

As Merideth sat on the red-eye plane to Seattle, she clutched the arm rests lost in her thoughts. How would her friends treat her after she just up and left them? There is no way they would ever forgive her. She considers the possibility of maybe avoiding her friends...but at Seattle Grace, that would be like turning water into wine, virtually impossible. The plane signal goes on and the captain announces over the speaker that they will be landing shortly. Merideth is pulled from her thoughts when the small boy beside her begins to cry. She smile lightly as she watches his mom and comfort him. They shushed him and assure him he will be just fine. The happy family makes it look easy, like happiness is that easily attained. If it was, then how come every time Merideth tried to grasp it, it just slipped further away? Merideth was the last one on the plane. She was glued to her seat until the flight attendant told her she had to get off so that they could get it ready for the next flight. Merideth looked at her with pleading eyes as she pulled herself out of her seat. After she collected her luggage, she rented a car and drove into Seattle at the minimum speed limit. Deep in thought again, she remembered her last day in Seattle:

"_Merideth!…Merideth!" Derek shouted at her as he chased after her into the parking lot._

"_I don't want to see you" she mumbled angrily._

"_Can't we just talk?" Derek pleaded and even flashed a weak smile._

"_Talk about what?! The fact that we had sex in a hospital bed during prom two weeks ago while you were there with your wife, or maybe the fact that you have a wife?!" Merideth had tears in her eyes and she was shaking with frustration and anger. _

"_Merideth…" , Derek said quietly as he tried to brush the hair out of her face._

"_No! No! Not anymore Derek. I am not letting you do it again. You have had two weeks to tell Addison, yet you are still married. I won't wait any longer, it's over/ I…I have to go. Sorry." She was barely even whispering at the end. She got in her car and drove away leaving a deflated Derek behind her. The last time she saw him was in her rearview mirror. She wasn't positive, but she swore she saw him crying. The rest was a blur to her. She packed some essentials and was out of the house before George or Izzie got home She even tried to say goodbye to her mother, but Ellis would not see her., so she went straight to the airport and bought a one way ticket to New York. _Merideth had always regretted the way she had left two years ago, but she couldn't take it anymore. She had tried many times to call or write, but she could never figure out the right things to say. She was never happy on New York, but it had giver her time to think. She had given up being a surgeon 4 months into her internship at New York General after having an emergency surgery that she kept very secret. She took up teaching at an elementary school and also quit that. She then began working at a teen center and did a lot of rewarding work with pregnant teens. She had lost the glow in her face and didn't smile for a while. She was also very thin and fragile. Though she eventually began to gain back some happiness, she felt as though a huge part of her was missing. Merideth didn't mind it in New York and was trying to be happy. She was making progress when she got a call from the chief . She never did find out how he got her phone number, but he told her she should come home and be with her mother because he didn't know how much time she had left. Merideth was hesitant at first because she was really starting to enjoy her job and thing were beginning to look up for once. Her mom ended up winning in the end and Merideth decided it was time to face her fears and move back to Seattle.

Tell me if you like it because I have the next few chapters done, I just want to know if I should keep posting


	2. Chapter 2

Meredith was finally sitting outside in the parking lot of Seattle Grace, the home of most he memories. It looked the same yet somehow seemed new and scary. After a half an hour of staring off into space and listening to some classic rock on the radio, she made her way into the lobby. She peered around quickly to make sure no one had noticed her and hurriedly made her way to the hospice wing. Hopefully no one there would recognized her. She walked through the halls quickly peeking around corners firs before rounding them. At one point, she saw a head of thick black hair and her heart began to race, but he turned around and she was relieved and disappointed at the same time. She finally made it to the wing safely and asked the nurse at the nurses station for Ellis Grey.

"Room 311, right down that hall", she chirped while flashing Meredith a smile.

"Thanks", was all Meredith replied.

As Meredith made her way down the hall, she found the door to 311. She lingere in the hall for several minutes before gaining enough courage to open the door and enter. Inside was a mussed up bed, but no Ellis to be found. Meredith rushed down to the nurses station and alerted th same nurse she had just talked to that Ellis was missing.

" She is probably down in the surgical wing. Chief Webber lets her down their if she is stable and checked on. If you want, I can take you down there."

"Um, it's okay, I can find it"

"If it's not too intrusive, may I ask you something?"

"What?" Meredith replied distracted.

"Are you her daughter?"

"Uh…yes"

"Do you have a sister who used to work here?"

"Nope" , Meredith replied quickly. It was the truth.

"Oh, must have been a different Grey", the nurse said almost as if she were disappointed.

Meredith just shrugged it off. She was used to people talking about her. She took a deep breath and made her way to the surgical floor. It was quiet except for the occasional nurse. _Where could everyone be?_ She thought to herself. As she made her way through the halls in stealth mode, she overheard some nurses discussing a huge brain surgery where the mans brain is being taken partially out of his skull to clip and aneurysm and then it was going to be replaced back inside. _Of course! That is where everyone is as well as my mother._ Meredith was going to go back and wait in her mothers room until curiosity got the best of her and she decided to go sneak just a little peek at the surgery. She carefully opened the door to the gallery and slid into the back where she hoped no one would see her. Luckily, the surgery kept everyone's attention. Meredith looked around at the full house and saw her mother no where. She did however see her friends marveling over the surgery. George was the only one missing, but when she looked into the O.R, there he was. "You go George", she whispered to herself. And there was Derek. She hadn't seen him in two years. It was hard to tell with his scrub cap and mask on, but he appeared the same. She felt happy to be back. Though she was suppressing many dark feelings, this just felt right. The surgery was over an hour and a half later. Meredith had not planned on staying for the whole thing, but she got sucked in. She tried to sneak out, but her friends saw her and just stared. The room cleared and Christina finally spoke. "What the hell are you doing her?" She then walked past Meredith and left. "I have a patient to check on", Izzie lied and followed Christina. Alex then spoke, "If I can see the bad in this, then you really must have screwed up Grey. " He gave her a smirk and called back as he walked away "See ya around!" Meredith sat there for a while until a nurse rushed in and said, "Someone said I could find you in here. Come quick, it's your mother." Meredith sighed and rushed after her.

Okay so I fixed the spelling on Meredith. I was also wondering if I should have Addison still living in Seattle. Tell me what you think. She wont be in like the fisrt five chapters because I already have them written, but I can always add her. Next chapter Derek will see Meredith! Please review because this is my first ever fic. and I don't want to be posting crap that no one reads. Thanks for the reviews I already have! I love u!!!!! If you review, the next chapter will probably be up today!


	3. Chapter 3

By the time Meredith reached her mother, she was already in a gurney and the chief was there.

"Oh, thank God you are here Meredith, she was having an episode, so the nurse tried to sedate her, and she fell down and broke her hip. If you could just sign these forms, we can take her in for a hip replacement."

"Richard, she is only 12, she can't sign a damn thing! And you, you are grounded for life running away from the house like that Meredith. Now get out of my sight!", screamed Ellis. Meredith was caught off guard and just stared at her mother.

"Meredith" the chief begged , "just sign these papers so we don't make a bigger scene."

"…Oh…uh sure" Meredith signed and watched her mother being wheeled away into the O.R. When she finally looked up, practically the whole hospital was looking at her. She turned down the hallway and there he was. He looked practically the same except maybe a little more aged now that she could see him closer up. He possibly had a fresh haircut and a little more stubble, but in general, he was the same old Derek. They stared at each other for a while with blank stares until he gave her a disgusted look, turned on his heels, and stormed away. The old Meredith would have been stung hard by this and maybe even had cried, but she just kept her blank stare on as she walked out to her car.

Sorry it's so short, but the next chapter doesn't really combine with this one. Please review!


	4. Chapter 4

Meredith wanted to go to sleep in her old bed, but she had given up the right to her old house when she left 2 years ago. Instead, she got a hotel room and fell into a deep sleep on top of the covers not even bothering to take her clothes off. She stayed like this for two days straight only getting up to go to the bathroom. On the third day she finally dragged herself from bed to get ready. She thought she should pay her mom a visit, she owed her that much. Meredith didn't shower but decided to look presentable, so she put on some jeans and a yellow v-neck long sleeve shirt. Her hair was dirty and messy, so she threw it up in a bun. She then slid on some tennis shoes and looked at herself in the mirror. Her face looked drained and her once tight jeans were loose. She accepted it and drove back to Seattle Grace.

Upon entering the hospital she saw George who seemed quite surprised to see her. There was no way he didn't know she was here though due to the fact that gossip travels like wildfire here. He gave her a nod as though to say he felt neither good or bad about her presence here. She smiled slightly to herself and walked on.

On her way to the nurses station to find out which post-op room her mom was in. the chief spotted her and called her over.

"Meredith, I have been trying to get a hold of you for two days, there is something I would like to talk to you about. Could you come to my office for a moment?"

"Could it wait, I was going to see my mother."

"Well, that's the thing Meredith, during her operation some complications arose. She had a liver failure, then her body went into a multi-system shut down.. She didn't make it. I am so sorry." The Chief put his hand on her shoulder, but she showed mo emotion.

I love your guys suggestions! Some of them I actually had already written into my story! I am so glad we are on the same page. In a few chapters, a lot of the friends and Derek's feeling will be explained. Keep up the reviews, cuz they really help!


	5. Chapter 5

"If you wouldn't mind, we have some forms for you to fill out. Do you think you would be up to doing that now?" the chief asked

"Sure" Meredith replied and headed down to the administration office.

About two hours later the chief came up to Izzie, George, Alex, and Christina eating in the cafeteria.

Chief: Have you seen Meredith anywhere?

Christina: Hell no! I mean, no sir.

Izzie: Nope

Alex: Nuh-uh (his mouth full of food)

George: Yeah, I did, but that was this morning. Why?

Chief: She was supposed to be down in administration filling out forms two hours ago. We can't do an autopsy until she signs off on it and she needs to fill out a death certificate

Izzie: How did she take it, I mean hearing about her mom and all?

Christina: Why do you care?

Izzie: Christina! Her mom just died. Even though what she did was selfish and hurtful doesn't mean we shouldn't show some compassion.

Chief: She right Dr. Yang. She did hurt a lot of people by leaving, but she could use your support. And, I'm not really sure how she is taking. She is hard to read.

Alex: She seems to be taking it fine, she's over there eating.

George: What!

They all look over and Alex was right. Meredith was at a table alone reading a magazine and eating a salad.

Chief: Meredith, where have you been? You were supposed to fill out those forms.

Meredith: Oh

Chief: Well I guess you will have to do it tomorrow seeing as Administration is closed for the night.

Meredith looked at her hands in her lap and then back at the Chief. She opened her mouth to say something when Chief interrupted.

Chief: Meredith, do you even want the autopsy?

Meredith: Yeah, yeah, of course

She had plastered her usual fake smile of reassurance on.

Chief: Okay, come by tomorrow at one and again, I am very sorry for you loss.

Meredith: Okay.

The Chief walked away and Meredith returned to her magazine.

Izzie: She looks so sad over their all alone.

Christina: Don't give in Izzie.

Izzie: Aww, but her mother just died.

Alex: She'll be fine, she is strong.

Christina: None of us should talk to her until she apologizes and suffers a little.

George: That's harsh. Come on Izzie, lets go eat with her.

Izzie: You coming Christina and Alex?

Christina: Nah, I'd rather eat lunch here with evil spawn.

Alex: Ah ha! You do have the hots for me. Want to go to an on call room?

Izzie shot a glance at Alex

Christina: Huh! In your dreams. Anyways, you couldn't handle me.

Alex: Try me, I've seen it all.

Christina: No way, Burke is in a lot better shape than you and he still has trouble.

Alex: Whoa way too much information. So meet you in ten minutes?

Izzie: Okay! Everyone stop talking about the future father of my baby getting it on with my married friend!

Christina: Don't worry Izz, you couldn't pay me to touch that.

Alex: Sorry babe, no one could live up to your impressive skills.

Izzie: That's all I'm saying. Okay, lets go George.

* * *

Izzie: Hey Mer, can we sit here

Meredith glanced up at them from her reading.

Meredith: Uh sure (she gets up), I was just leaving.

George: We kind of wanted to sit with you.

Meredith: Sorry gotta run.

Meredith put on her coat and walked away as fast as her feet could carry her. Izzie sighed as they sat down at the table Meredith had just fled form. Izzie looks down at the table.

Izzie: Look, she barely touched her salad.

George: So

Izzie: Didn't you notice how skinny she looked?

George: She does look exhausted.

Izzie: I am worried about her.

Christina had walked up right when Izzie was saying this.

Christina: Well, just leave it to Meredith to get screwed up.

Alex: Ouch!

George: Hey! You have no clue what she has been through in the past two years, nobody does. Besides, her mom just died.

Christina: She probably just screwed half of New York, that's all.

Izzie got up and left yelling back, "What's your problem? Get over yourself!"

George: Just wait, you will regret that Christina.

Alex: Wow! Well it sure feels like Meredith is home.

* * *

Meredith found herself in the empty gallery in the dark. She didn't know why she was so scared to be around her old friends, especially when some of them had seemed to forgiven her for now, but she was. She just wanted some time to think.

Meanwhile, Izzie went chasing after her after she scolded Christina. She searched all up and down the surgical floor. She was looking vigorously still when Derek spotted her from the nurses station.

Derek: Dr. Stevens, did you lose something.

Izzie: No…yes…never mind.

Derek: Well which is it?

Izzie: I'm looking for something.

Derek: What is it, maybe I could help you?

Izzie: No, I don't think you can.

Derek: Tell me, maybe I have seen it.

Izzie: Well…it's Meredith.

Derek: Oh

Izzie: I didn't really lose her, but I am trying to find her.

Derek: Well, sorry Dr. Stevens can't say that I have seen her.

Derek said this coldly and walked away. Izzie decided to give up search for now. She really wished she could get inside Dr. Shepard's head and see what he was thinking. He took it really rough when Meredith left. He got divorced right away realizing he couldn't be bound to marriage with someone he didn't love for a second longer. At first he was sure she would come back. Then he felt miserable because he believed it was his fault that she was driven away. Then he finally got mad at her for taking the easy way out. She had left all of her friends and her mother without an explanation. Izzie knew that if Meredith and Derek were ever locked in a room together, that they probably wouldn't both make it out alive.

Derek needed to think. Meredith after two years of no contact finally appeared out of the blue. He didn't know how to feel. He knew he had to talk to her, but he had no clue what or how to say it. He decided to go sit in the empty gallery to think. He opened the door to the dark room and felt his way over to the opposite wall. He sat down and began to get lost in his thoughts when he heard a vibrating noise. He felt around until he grasped a small object in his hands. He picked it up to find it was a cell phone. He opened it, but the call had already been directed to voicemail. He didn't want to go through someone else's phone so he put it in his pocket to take to the main desk later. All he could think about was that Meredith was back.

_I'm back, but what now. _Was all Meredith thought driving back to her hotel. _I am back._

Okay, so what do you think? It's long since I combined two chapters. A lot of stuff will happen next chapter. Some hapiness, but mostly sad. In two chapters, lots more hapiness. Give me suggestions cuz I am all out of prewritten chapters and actually have to write a brand spankin new one. All suggestions are welcome, but I have the main plot line planned out in my head. Please review!


	6. Authors Note

Authors note: Reviews give me motivation to update, so if you want updates, please review cuase I know a lot of people are reading this but no one bothers to review. Pleeeeeez review, it makes me feel so much better and makes me want to write. Also, you all have good suggestions to help me put the story togther. Thanks to all of you who are kind enough to review. Lots of love to u all!

Babs


	7. Chapter 7

Meredith arrived at the administration office exactly at one. She was taken to a room with a small table. The chief and his assistant sat across from her. They went through and explained each form and watched as Meredith read through each one and then signed her name at the bottom. The room was dead silent except when the chief or his assistant were explaining something. Meredith spoke not even a single syllable the whole time. Six forms and an hour later they were finally done. "Meredith, thank you for coming in and filling out these forms. I am so sorry about your mother. The autopsy will be done today and we should have results as soon as possible. You will be able to take her remains to a funeral home in few days." the chief told Meredith. Meredith just nodded her head and then shook his hand.

She had to get out of there, she couldn't breathe. The room seemed to be closing in on her. She calmly walked out the door, but once outside, she practically sprinted to the nearest exit. She busted out of the hospital doors and into the pouring rain. She just let the raindrops fall on her face and wash her feelings away. She made her way over to a bench and just sat. Her hair and clothes were already soaked by now, but she didn't care. She stared off in a trance, her only movement being her breathing.

Upstairs on the walkway where Derek always stands stood Izzie, Alex, George and Christina.

Alex: What the hell is she doing? It's pouring rain.

Izzie: She signed her mothers death certificate today.

George: We should go talk to her.

Izzie: I don't think she wants to talk to anyone. She probably wouldn't want to talk to us anyways, seeing as yesterday she couldn't wait to get away.

Christina just stared out the window at her person not participating in the conversation.

Bailey: Your job isn't to look out the window and daydream people! Get a move on, we have lives to save!

They all took one last glance at Meredith and then rushed off after Bailey.

* * *

George: Look, she's still out there!

Izzie: What!

They all look out the window to see Meredith in the same place.

Alex: It's been five hours and she is still sitting in the poring rain.

George: Someone needs to go out there and get her to come inside.

Izzie: I'll go.

Christina finally spoke up.

Christina: No, I will, she's my person and I am hers.

Izzie: Uh… you sure…I mean, you want to?

Christina: Yeah…I do.

Christina went and put on a coat and grabbed an umbrella before she went outside.

Christina: Meredith…Meredith…Meredith!

Meredith didn't respond. She just sat there soaking and shivering. Christina shook her finally and Meredith's eyes shot up at Christina.

Christina: Look, I know I have been a total Bitch and have made it really suck for you even though your mom died. I was and still am pissed off at you for leaving, but I'm going to forget it for now. You need to forget it for now too and come inside with me before you get hypothermia.

Meredith said nothing and just stared.

Christina: Okay, I know you can hear me, so get your ass up and come inside.

There was still silence. Then finally, Meredith spoke.

Meredith: I…I didn't…I couldn't believe she was dead. I just thought it was some sort of sick joke, but when I was supposed to sign the papers, I knew it would be true. I wasn't going to sign them and the she wouldn't be gone. It would have meant that I didn't leave her here to die alone. But today, when I signed those papers, it became reality, my mom…my mom…is dead.

With that, Meredith broke down into deep sobs that racked her entire body. Her tears blended with the rain as they fell down her cheeks. Her whole body shook from the sobs and the cold. The, Christina dropped her umbrella and sat next to Meredith to hold her. Meredith leaned into Christina and let her support her as she cried on Christina's shoulder and soaked her dark, black, curly hair with tears. They sat like this for ten minutes as Christina rocked Meredith back and forth and soothed her with her voice.

Christina: Shh, shh, it'll be okay Mer, it'll be okay.

Christina then finally realized that is wasn't just Meredith's tears soaking her hair.

Christina: Mer, we've got to go inside, it's pouring out and you are soaked and freezing.

Meredith sniffled and softly replied, "okay". They walked back into the hospital in silence Without a word, Meredith followed Christina into an on call room. Christina helped Meredith out of her wet clothes and into bed in just her underwear and bra.

Christina: You should get some sleep and I'll be back later with dry clothes.

Christina was just about to leave when Meredith spoke up.

Meredith: Christina…I love you. Please, please don't let me leave again.

Christina: Uh…um, I'll be back later.

And with that, Christina left and Meredith drifted off into sleep.

Izzie saw Christina at the nurses station later and rushed up to her.

Izzie: How is she?

Christina: She's okay, she's sleeping in an on call room. I was going to check on her later to make sure she doesn't get sick.

Izzie: You did a good thing Christina, you did a good thing.

What Izzie and Christina didn't notice was that Derek had overheard them and was already headed off to the on call room. Derek carefully opened the door and stepped in to reveal a fast asleep Meredith. She looked so peaceful in her sleep. So much different from when she was awake. He quietly tip-toed in and sat in the bed across from hers. He just sat there and watched the small form that was Meredith rise and fall in her sleep. Derek decided to just sit in her presence and enjoy the peace.

Okay, so I wasn't sure when I started writing this if I liked it, but I really like this chapter now. Tell me what you think! Thanks for all the reviews, it really made me want to write this chapter since I was having troubl with it. The next chapter will mostly be Ellis' funeral and everyone will be there, even Derek! So the more reviews I get the faster I will update. Proabaly will be up by Friday since I amd busy all week. Hopefully earlier!


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